happythoughtshappythoughtshap..NO DAMNIT I DON’T HAVE HAPPY THOUGHTS AND I DON’T CARE IF YOU KNOW IT!

Frankly,

I believe many of you think me incapable of saying anything positive about C-Town (many of you may even believe me incapable of ever saying anything positive…but we’ll address that another time) so I’m making a concerted effort to be cheerful today.

There is nothing quite like treelined avenues alight with blazing reds and golden hues and if there is one thing C-Town does well, it’s autumn. Piles of leaves invite me to dive into them and roll about in their crunchy rustling embrace but since I’m (generally) a responsible adult, I refrain. How boring.

I also feel cheerful when I see kangaroos nibbling grass and hopping in their strangely elegant and but extremely unlikely gait.

Right, that’s as cheerful as I can manage so be grateful damnit. (Basically, I’m bored being so nicey nicey.)

Frankly, I don’t feel cheerful. I feel annoyed . For a good many reasons. Shall I share a few?

1. Noisy eaters. How freaking annoying are noisy eaters?? Carrot crunching-nut munching-cracker chewing- drink slurping-finger licking irritants. They make the red mist of rage drift across my eyes and I begin imagining removing their teeth with blunt instruments.

2. Ridiculous American shows. (Modern Family is currently polluting my television screen and the urge to vomit is almost overwhelming.)

3. The price of toilet paper. I might as well just go open my wallet and flush my money.

4. People who want to have pointless conversations with me before 10am. Please, do you really think I actually care about your horse/shoes/kids/political persuasions when I’ve only been awake 1 (possibly 2) hours? Short answer: No. At least give me time to dredge up my polite face before you hit me.

But ofcourse, what I’m really angry about is something almost too difficult to articulate. Actually, I’m not sure angry is the right word. It’s more a deep burning resentment.

My identification as a Australian Muslim woman means that on a daily basis I am inundated with a variety of opinions on what my choices/non-choices are/mean, what I represent, what I cannot represent, what I should be doing/not doing, what I should be feeling, what feelings I inspire in others etc etc etc. My identity is the site of a battle between many and varied forces (some/many of whose involvement, I certainly do not welcome).

And most of all, I really resent being forced to constantly justify and explain myself; and even more irritatingly, justify/explain/condemn/criticise other Muslims and their choices and actions.

Frankly, I’m tired. I’d like everyone to go poke their noses elsewhere and go pick on somebody else. I think noisy eaters could do with copping a bit of heat.

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2 Responses to happythoughtshappythoughtshap..NO DAMNIT I DON’T HAVE HAPPY THOUGHTS AND I DON’T CARE IF YOU KNOW IT!

  1. Marryam says:

    awesome post ifattimah

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